Today my wife and I were both out of town. I got a call from the young woman watching the boys that Jacari had refused to help make dinner and gone off to the park after being told No several times. The woman who tutors our kids and sometimes watches them is very nice but had had enough and called me. At the time I was on the train home and about 45 minutes away.
She put Jacari on the phone. We have a full length mirror in the living room. I told Jacari to go and sit infront fo that mirror till I got home. He could lok at a boy who was in a lot of trouble. When I got home Jacari was sitting on the floor. I told him to get up and sit down several times--just to be sure he understood instructions and, more importantly, who was giving the instructions.
Next he did 25 pushups and remained in the pushup position while I walked in a circle around him and explained how he would obey those in charge of him in the future. I also asked him how much fun his trip to the park seemed right now.
After this he took a shower and got ready for bed. When kids willfully disobey they need to be corrected--and corrected enough that they have real consequences to stop them the next time. Parents who "explain" the rules to a defiant child are sending a snowball of trouble down a big hill. It will be an avalanche someday.